WRITER HUMOR

The Definition of a Writer – Somebody who has a spouse with benefits

Movies About “Tortured” Writers

  • As Good as it Gets (neurotic, obsessive compulsive)
  • Wonder Boys (pot smoking, blocked)
  • Shakespeare in Love (blocked)
  • Finding Forrester (neurotic, reclusive)
  • Orange County (frustrated, conflicted)
  • The Muse (blocked, neurotic)
  • The Hours (schizophrenic, suicidal)
  • Adaptation (blocked, insecure, neurotic)
  • Misery (tortured)

Writers’ Many Marriages

  • Norman Mailer – wed six times
  • Danielle Steel – wed five times
  • Saul Bellow – wed five times
  • Ernest Hemingway – wed four times
  • Michael Crichton – wed four times
  • Elmore Leonard – wed three times
  • Mary Higgins Clark – wed three times

Humorous Writer’s Quotes

  • “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” –Douglas Adams
  • “The beautiful part of writing is that you don’t have to get it right the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon.” –Robert Cromier
  • “There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.” –Somerset Maugham
  • “Gentlemen, I have just completed my new novel. It is so good, I am not even going to send it to you. Why don’t you just come and get it?” –Snoopy
  • “Try to leave out the parts that readers skip.” –Elmore Leonard

Philosophical Writer’s Quotes

  • “Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.” –E.L. Doctorow
  • “The writer must believe that what he is doing is the most important thing in the world. And he must hold to this illusion even when he knows it is not true.” –John Steinbeck
  • “The difference between the right word and the almost-right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”
    –Mark Twain

Cynical/Satirical Writer’s Quotes

  • “Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.” –Gene Fowler
  • “Only amateurs say that they write for their own amusement. Writing is not an amusing occupation. It is a combination of ditch-digging, mountain-climbing, treadmill and childbirth … But amusing? Never.” — Edna Ferber
  • “It’s just as hard to write a bad book as a good one.” –Dominick Dunne

Actual Quotes/Situations from my Family

  • “Why’d you have to write a dumb book about a dead dog!” –Casey Parker
  • “Mom, they have a copy of your book at the library and it’s displayed on top of one of the bookcases! No offense, but I don’t think anyone’s going to check it out. Well, Mom, I’ll check it out. I never finished reading it.” — Casey Parker
  • When our son, Steve, was 15-yrs-old he came to talk to me in a panic one Sunday night. He was supposed to have picked a book from a list his English teacher gave the class and he’d forgotten all about it over the weekend. And it was worth 20 points just to show her that he’d actually gotten a book. There’s no way he was going to miss an easy 20 points so he might have to take his lunch period on Monday to get a book from the school library. BUT, he was hoping and praying that we might have one of the books on the list. There were at least 50 books to choose from and I read tons of books so we HAD to have at least one of them. I went through the list and I had read a number of them (COLD MOUNTAIN, GONE WITH THE WIND…) but I get almost all my books from the library and didn’t actually own any of them….except, what’s this? Why’s this on the list? Patricia Polacco’s PINK AND SAY. I tell him it’s a picture book and I’m pretty sure we have it. But, surely, his teacher made a mistake…He’s ecstatic. A PICTURE BOOK!! Something as short as JASPER’S DAY?!!? He
    could hardly contain himself. And he was literally dancing around when we
    found it. He hadn’t hugged me like that in a while. At school, his teacher WAS surprised to see that PINK AND SAY was a picture book. It’s on a lot of recommended lists for the Civil War, so she included it. “How did you know?” she asked him. “My mom is a children’s writer,” he told her with pride. At last count 6 other kids read PINK AND SAY for the assignment.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *